What kind of music do you love, and who are some of your favorite artists or bands?
I listen to all types of music, but I love hip-hop and rap. I was diagnosed the summer going into 8th grade, and these genres were very prevalent in my life. Some of my favorite artists include Travis Scott, Kendrick Lamar, and Future.
What was your relationship with music like before your cancer diagnosis?
Music has always been a part of my life. In 7th grade I was in band class and I played the trombone and trumpet🤣
Can you share a little bit about your cancer story?
I spent most of my childhood living without a care in the world. I was either on the soccer field, basketball court, baseball diamond, or having a great time hanging out with friends. I was attending summer basketball camp, as I do every year, but this time was different. I couldn’t get through the first day because of an excruciating headache and blurry vision. I ended up running off the court and throwing up. My pediatrician gave me a referral to go see a pediatric neurologist and after evaluating me I was put on medication for ADHD. I continued to have these intense headaches and was in bed with my head buried in my pillow everyday. My parents knew something was wrong and asked if I could have an MRI just so we can rule anything serious out. The neurologist told my parents “an MRI is a traumatizing experience for a kid, but I will schedule one if you insist.” Straight from my MRI, I was sent directly to Children’s Hospital in Los Angeles. July 3rd 2012 was the day my life changed forever. I was only 13 years old and about to embark on the hardest challenge of my life, brain cancer. My diagnosis was one large mixed malignant germ cell brain tumor that was connected from the ventricles to two smaller mixed malignant germ cell brain tumors. My team of doctors had a plan and wanted to get started right away. My initial treatment plan consisted of eight rounds of chemotherapy. I’ve had six brain surgeries and now have a permanent drain placed inside my head. After completing these eight rounds of treatment I was so excited and ready to return to my normal life. I had another MRI that showed that the tumors were not responding to the treatment. This was a setback that nobody expected to hear. My doctors quickly came up with a new treatment plan and told me that I would be put into a clinical trial Stem Cell Transplant. I would be only the 5th patient to be part of this clinical trial. This treatment consisted of four rounds of intensive chemotherapy, followed by a 30 day stay in the BMT (Bone Marrow Transplant) unit of the hospital. After completing this I received radiation to my full spine and brain for 30 straight days at UCLA Medical Center. My battle with cancer forced me to miss my entire 8th grade year and most of my high school years. I couldn’t physically attend class with my friends, but my goal was to graduate, on stage with my class of 2017. I was able to complete that goal and graduate alongside all my friends. Now that I have a drain placed inside of my head, I am no longer allowed to play contact sports. It’s almost as if I am living a new life, I am starting over. Cancer has taken so much from me, but at the same time it has given me so much. It has given me this newly found passion for life. I am truly grateful for the small, everyday things in life. I will never know why I was dealt cancer, but I strongly feel like it all happened for a reason.
Did your experience with cancer change your relationship with music in any way?
My experience with music has changed dramatically since I was diagnosed with cancer. In the middle of hospital rooms and quiet nights where I couldn’t sleep, I put on my headphones. The world that had become cold and clinical suddenly felt warm and alive. Music became my escape, but also my therapy. It helped me cry when I needed to, gave me strength when I felt weak, and reminded me that I was still me, even when everything else had changed.
What led you to join Play It Back, and what are you hoping to get out of the experience?
One of my friends, Sierra, told me about this amazing music program. I was one of the first Play It Back members, and at first I wasn’t sure what to expect. I hadn’t picked up an instrument in years, and my confidence was very low. I remember walking into Kenli’s studio for the first time and being welcomed not as a cancer patient, but as a person. It wasn’t about being a good singer or musician. It was about the connection that each one of us shared. Though Play It Back, I have met the most amazing people who truly understand what I’ve been through. We didn’t have to talk about cancer all the time, our songs spoke for us.
If you had to describe the kind of music you make or want to make, how would you describe it?
To be honest, the music I make has been very personal to me. I would describe it as an inner self-conflict of being refined to as “the cancer patient.” My music reflects my struggle in moving on. I want to move forward, I really do. But it’s not a straight line. Physical scars that catch me off guard in the mirror. Emotional wounds that aren’t visible but are just as deep. And honestly, sometimes I miss the strange clarity that came with being a patient, where my only job was to survive. Now I’m expected to live, but I’m still learning how. It can be hard to explain these emotions to people who haven’t lived it. That’s why I am so grateful to be part of Play It Back.