Live Like You’re Dying by Tim McGraw, Hold On by Alabama Shakes, Fight Song by Rachel Platten. Like myself, so many people need music to get through treatment. I was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia at the age of 14. Throughout my cancer experience, I have always been passionate about music.
So when I discovered Play it Back Songs, a music program for AYA cancer patients and survivors powered by Teen Cancer America, I knew I had to sign up. This program allows me to bond with other patients and survivors over our common love of music. Since I was started Play it Back, I have been busy writing music in my free time with Kenli, the producer and co-founder of Play it Back Songs. One song I worked on with Kenli is called Potion of Pain and this song has a lot of secret meaning to me. When I first started writing it, I was initially intending for it to be about my longing for a boyfriend, but as I sat and wrote these lyrics I realized it was much more than that. It was my cancer anthem.
I was calling out to God for help in trying to overcome my cancer battle. I wanted to say thank you for the pain God allowed me to endure because I knew it was the only way for me to find my passion. After going through my cancer experience, I realized I wanted to be a child life specialist. This never would have happened if I hadn’t gone through the trials of cancer. The verses of this song are about how difficult it is to go through cancer treatment.
As I wrote in the 1st verse, “I need You around so I can’t be bound by emotions that keep me from being me” I was talking about how I needed God there with me in order to keep me positive and as much of myself as possible. The pre-chorus talks about how I would hide my emotions because I knew I needed to be strong. “Put on a mask as I leave my house” Everyone masks their emotions at times, and I felt that I could help people to understand they aren’t alone. The 2nd verse talks about the stress and anxieties of cancer making it hard to breathe. The other half of this verse is about my realization that I can use this cancer experience to help others. “The truth that I found never wanted this crown but, it won’t bring me down. No, it won’t bring me down.” The crown is the label of cancer in this. I like to use a lot of symbolism if you couldn’t tell.
I am very grateful that I have found my passion and I hope other people who wen go through what I am going through sign up. If you are interested in hearing this song, you can follow me on Instagram @a.rene.music. I haven’t been able to release it yet, but it will be coming soon! Also, if you are interested in the work Play it Back does you can follow them on Instagram @playitbacksongs or check out their website at www.teencanceramerica.org/play-it-back-music-program/ . I am looking forward to working more on my music and adding a little groove to the world! Feel free to DM me if you have any questions about the program or my work!
Overwhelmed with the emotion God I wish there was a potion that could take all this pain away.
I’m sorry but You know that I am anxious and I’m broken but You turned my darkest night to day.
All I wanted to say, is thank you for the pain You gave me.
I know it was the only way… a potion of pain, a potion of pain.
Trying to make it through the week, I can hardly lift my feet.
I need You around so I can’t be bound by emotions that keep me from being me.
I put on a mask as I leave my house, hiding cause I’m…
There’s so much hanging over me, yeah sometimes it’s hard to breathe.
The truth that I found never wanted this crown but it won’t bring me down.
No it won’t bring me down. Nah no No no
A potion of pain.
A potion of pain.
All I wanted to say is thank You for the pain You gave me, I know it was the only way,
A potion of pain.